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i asked her why she always stares at her feet when she walks.

"there's too many people in the world. i get overwhelmed."

if it appears to you as though she exists in a reality seperate from ours, you aren't far from the truth.

she can see beauty in the things of the world, but she is utterly unable to enjoy the people. while it is impossible for anyone to completely isolate themselves from social situations, she is far more distant than you would think possible.

when she was 15, her mother sent her to the corner store for milk. the cashier asked in a polite manner how her day was going. that was too much for her. she left the milk and the money on the counter and ran all the way home. she stayed in her room the entire weekend and only finally came out when her mother dragged her out for school.

i don't know why she told me that story, or even why she talked to me at all. i met her at the bus stop. i was waiting for the bus, and she was hiding behind the bench trying to pretend she didn't exist. i found her behaviour rather amusing, and i ever so slightly smiled in her direction. she slipped up just for a moment, and her eyes met mine before hurriedly looking away.

of course, we didn't meet that day. she was there every day from then on. she'd hide behind the bench, and i'd try not to look at her.

one day she was sitting on the bench. again, i tried not to look at her, and was startled when i heard a quiet voice whisper a soft hello. i looked around to make sure she wasn't talking to anyone else, then sat down on the bench beside her.

"hello," i said.
"everyone else looks at me. don't you ever wonder why i hide?"
"it's your business whether you hide or not," i replied, "i know what it's like to want privacy, so i let you be."
"can i trust you?"
"what?"
"can i trust you?"
"that's a question you'll have to answer for yourself. trust is something that must be earned, not something that is there because someone says it is."
"then i will trust you because you have given me no reason to distrust you."

the conversation was surreal. it didn't seem to follow any logical path, she simply jumped from topic to topic as she saw fit.

some time into the conversation she asked, "where do you go on the bus?"
"i go to school."
"must you?"
"i'm not forced to."
"then today you will come with me."
"where are we going?"
"nowhere."

my curiousity got the better of me. there was just something about her that piqued your curiousity, something that grabbed on and wouldn't let go.

we got on her bus and she walked to the very back.

"you can sit beside me," she said, "normally i won't let people, but i'll let you."

we got off near the ravine, and she silently walked down the path towards it. i just followed, waiting to see what what she'd do next. she stopped.

"even though i trust you, i'll need to blindfold you."

she led me on a long walk. i didn't try to see through the scarf she had wrapped around my head. i didn't want to destroy the mystery.

"sit down," she said finally, and she sat me down on the ground. "let me take scarf that from you."

i looked around. where we were i never could have guessed. i'm not sure i could even have found my way back to anywhere i was familiar with. we were in a small clearing deep in the bush, far from any of the trails. i resisted the urge to ask where we were.

"i've come here every day since i found this place," she said.

as much as i wanted to resist the urge to ask questions, i couldn't keep myself from asking "what do you do here?"
"i read. i read and i think. sometimes i just sleep here for hours on the grass."
"what do you read?"
"books. isn't it a shame that most people are so busy trying to enjoy life that they're not able to enjoy it?"

i gave up trying to ask questions. she said what she wanted to say no matter what i asked. she seemed disinterested in getting to know me, and she certainly had no intention of letting me get to know her. so, we talked about nothing.

i had lost all concept of time, but all of a sudden she stopped speaking mid sentence and looked up at the sky.

"lunch time," she said, "see how the sun is straight overhead?" i nodded. she unpacked two sandwiches. "i didn't know what you'd like. so i brought one peanut butter and jelly sandwich and one cheese sandwich. i hope you like one of those." i was taken aback by her generousity. it was a simple gesture, true enough, but i've always appreciated every little thing that people did. this was as sincere a gesture as i'd ever seen, and i was not about to judge it based on its "size".

i replied that either would be fine. "great!" she said, "then i'll have half of each."

"you'll come here every day." she said it more as a statement than a question.
"i wish i could, only it's important that i go to school."
"but sometimes?"
"yes."
"you can leave whenever you need to. i'm not worried that you know where we are anymore."

i had been enjoying the mystery, and was almost disappointed to hear her say this. i was about to suggest that i would rather be led back out blindfolded, but before i could say anything she interrupted. "it's only because i trust you, you know. nobody else can know because i don't trust them." her eyes pleaded with me as if she'd known what i was going to say. i decided it was more sensible that i knew where i was anyway.

maybe i should have gone there every day. there was such a beauty in her innocense. i was busy with school though, and most days she just hid behind the bench and i just smiled at her. the days i went to the clearing with her she was sitting on the bench. it was as if she knew when i was going to go with her. i only got the chance to go with her once or twice more after that. then i stopped seeing her at the bus stop.

i never stopped going to the clearing though. even now i'll fight my way through the bush to that spot and wait for her. sometimes only a few minutes, sometimes hours.

i'm giving something to her. even if she isn't around to see it, i'm doing my best to show my appreciation for someone who helped me to slow down and see the world again.

i never showed anyone else the clearing. it belonged to the girl and me. it was our spot, and i would never allow anyone to take that from us.